inside these walls

Where am I in the whole time/space continuum thingy?

My head hurts most of the time. Is it stress? What, me worry? Maybe I should just list them, get them down here and out of my system.

• Bird flu. Yeah, I worry about bird flu. I just finished reading a book about the flu epidemic in the early 20th century and it scared the bejeezus out of me. WTF? We could all die, right? Of course, some of us won't die. They're talking maybe 140 million people worldwide. So, it's a crapshoot. Some of us will die. Not ALL of us. Who decides? Then, again, it's possible that this virus won't mutate. And pigs will fly, too.
• Taxes. I always worry about taxes this time of year. Not paying them. Somehow, they always get paid. I worry about doing them. I hate doing my taxes. It's the language, I've decided. It's so off-putting. I'm a smart person. I have a graduate degree. I should be able to figure this out. It's agonizing though. I can handle the math, the reasoning, etc. I just hate to sit down and do them.
• School. At this point in the year, I'm always so incredibly burnt out. I hate feeling like I don't want to go to work. I get grouchy. I have to struggle to be "fun." The kids who don't work hard get on my nerves. I want to shake them and say, but you've got to work harder, or you won't show growth on the end of grade test and then I'll look bad. It's more than that though. I often feel as though I am beating my head against a wall. No one is listening. It's awful to stand up in front of a room and look out at a sea of small faces and realize that less then half are paying attention. Last week, one of my students raised his hand and asked, "Are we going to go over the problems from the last box?" The rest of the class and I just looked at him, our mouths gaping open. I had just spent the past 15 minutes going over the problems from the last box. Why, he even answered one of the questions.
  
• Kids. I worry about my own kids all the time. Most of them aren't really kids anymore, either. In fact, none of them are kids anymore, if I face the truth. I just want them to find happiness. That's all. It's really quite simple. Find happiness and stay alive. Don't do stupid, risky stuff. Smarten up.
  
• The state of the Union. Most days, I wonder if things could get any more screwed up. Most days, things do. I can only shake my head and wonder why people let things get this out of control? Why am I living in such troubled timed? Of course, all times are troubled.
  

posted by jackie @ 8:59 AM